Things still aren’t going as quickly as I’d like them to. I constantly seem to planning things to do for projects and different events but nothing seems to be happening, nothing seems to be moving forward and the intense frustration is really starting to kick in.

I think one of my new aims is going to be more self motivating. I often find that once I begin a task I find it easy to keep up but until that point I really struggle to have that initial get up and go regardless of how much I say to myself and those around me that work needs to begin (whether its teamwork or individual). An example of this would be within my IPP group. There’s more or less only 3 of us as one of our other members has dropped the course and the other has yet to be seen once this academic year so you’d think the small group size would create more of an urgency and incentive to be getting on quickly with our project, but no. I feel like when I (quite clearly) express my worries about how little work we’ve done it goes straight over the head of my team mates and the frustration is building. For this reason I feel like I need to aim to lead more, to be the motivator, to the person who gets out there and makes things happen with prompt from myself rather than others. This makes me out to be very lazy which isn’t the case, I do consider myself a good leader and someone naturally capable of getting into the real world and getting stuff done but I definitely want to improve on this skill and be someone that inspires others to be more stimulated with their work, especially in terms of my IPP group.

With MRW things are slowly moving along. One of my main conflicts with this project is that I really feel like they need to change the name but I’m not sure it’s even my place to suggest this? The relevance of this feeling is that if I’m to be considered ‘radio manager’ or whichever title they choose to give me in the end, I feel like I want to be motivated fully by everything the project is offering, and one of the main things outside of the logistics of what we’re doing is that I feel the image is let down by the name. It feels like a failure of replicating the punch that NME have, NME delivers an air of importance and legacy, MRW does not. But as I said, I’m almost certain it’s not my place to mention it.

In keeping with the topic of MRW is how we’re ever so slowly edging towards launching the actual radio element itself. We’ve brainstormed a plan for what we’re going to do as the official launch; involving sessions across a week displaying the talents of artists who we support whilst live streaming the event on Facebook accompanied by special shows and podcasts by people we deem interesting enough to listen to. My main role within this so far has been sorting out the venue. Though I’ve used 24 Kitchen Street before and its obviously not out of my comfort zone to approach them, I enquired about using the upstairs space as I felt this perfectly encapsulated the curiosity of our little project. I negotiated with Ioan and managed to get his permission to use the space any time I want for free as long as it doesn’t clash with the venues timetable. I’d say this is pretty good going. Now all we need to do is actually do it.

Rebel, Rebels’ third instalment is looming and I’m feeling uneasy. I feel like due to personal issues I’ve not inputted nearly enough into the workload that this event has put on the 3 of us. I feel guilty for this but at the same time things have been so hard that it’s been at the back of mind. I just know that in the real world this little input could be a real problem and I won’t always have such understanding people as my colleagues and its scary. I don’t want to let people down or have them feel like I’m not pulling my weight. Really trying to make changes. Updates to come.

Things feel stagnant. Lets make changes. Let me live up to the person I know I can be.